Why do I always feel like I am in this constant tug-of-war with myself?
Whenever I face big decisions my mind engages in this constant struggle. I wake up in the middle of the night feeling pulled in one direction then pulling myself the other direction. Such is the case with my job situation. I have interviewed for 3 positions and been offered all three.
One was a no-brainer to decline
One was very tantalizing to the career driven, title seeking, and yes - selfish - side of me (Red Cross - TEAM SUPERVISOR of MOBILE OPERATIONS) even the title seems important.
and one,
One was a position that seems boring. mundane. no glory. low on skills. but in it's essence - simple service.
I have been wrestling for 26 of the last 29 hours (you gotta sleep some time right?) over which of the latter two positions I should take.
One job, prestigious company, full-time working crazy hours and commuting possibly 4 hours a day to different mobile locations 5 days a week, one of which is a Saturday or Sunday every weekend. That means sacrificing Sunday church and the NFL, or MY son's football games...tough choice!
The other job, a small community clinic in North San Diego county serving those without insurance or resources to receive adequate healthcare. Certainly not a glamorous position, but one that is very flexible - I can work when I want, however often I want, and it would allow me the flexibility to still seek other positions that have long been my dream to pursue - ER, OR or Labor and Delivery.
When you work so hard to attain something it is easy to forget the why. I went to nursing school in part because I simply love EVERYTHING about nursing, but also so I can provide some extra resources for my family.
If I take the Red Cross Job I would be sacrificing the very thing I am working to help. While my son is a thirteen year old boy, who doesn't think he needs anyone at home with him, the fact is - he does. I am not willing to sacrifice being an influence in his life for my own career goals. I only have four short years left with him at home and then I can work 60 hours a week if I so desire.
But for now I am going to choose my family, and the knowing that God has something perfect for me, and for my family, just around the corner.
I will still struggle with decisions.
I will probably look like this guy when faced with a tough choice instead of like this
But this time, I feel like I have made the right choice...
Vista Community Clinic wins out. Say hello to their newest Registered Nurse - Per Diem.
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